If you guys are anything like me, I bet that sometimes you feel like the world would be no different without you. We all feel like that sometimes. But today I want to teach you guys about community and why we all need each other and how God created us so that we could be with Him and so that He could be with us. You aren’t a mistake or an accident, you are someone that the rest of us need. We’ll also talk about how the people we are friends with change us and how we change them, and the difference between people who are true friends and people who are just buddies.
(Parents, this is the fourth in a series designed to help kids deal with identity and gender confusion by showing them that no matter what they like or what they look like or what they are good at, they are still boys and girls and still valuable. When we try to push kids into filling stereotypical roles, we’re often the ones creating the confusion that they are forced to find a way to live with. I do this without making any mention of sexuality whatsoever.)
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Hi! I’m Miss Tyler and welcome to another episode of Context for Kids where I teach you guys stuff most adults don’t even know. If this is your first time hearing or if you have missed anything, you can find all the episodes archived at contextforkids.podbean.com, which has them downloadable, or at contextforkids.com, where I have transcripts for readers or on my Context for Kids YouTube channel.
Parents, all Scripture this week comes from the CSB, the Christian Standard Bible.
Things are very different now than they were in the time of Abraham, Moses, David and Jesus. Jesus, for example, never played with another child who didn’t know exactly where He lived or who His parents were. And they knew this even though He didn’t even have a last name! Did you think that the word Christ was His last name? Don’t worry, a lot of people think that because about a thousand years ago, last names were invented, and we just think they are totally normal now! Although a lot of people think that Christ is Jesus’s last name, the truth is that Christ is just a title that means the same thing as Messiah. Like, if we hear the phrase King David or Queen Victoria, we know that the words King and Queen are titles that describe what their jobs are and aren’t part of their names at all. Jesus was born under the name of Yeshua ben Yosef, Yeshua the son of Yosef, or in English Bibles, Jesus the son of Joseph. How we got to Jesus from Yeshua is too long a story but it comes down to Hebrew and Greek and Latin and English all having different alphabets and sounds and translators doing their best to take names from one language to another when they aren’t at all the same. But the reason I brought that up is because Jesus was known by His relatives. He wasn’t Jesus Jones. He was Jesus the son of Joseph and His father Joseph was known as the son of Jacob. His mother Mary was called the daughter of Heli, but when she married, she became Mary, wife of Joseph and when Joseph died, the Bible calls her Mary, the mother of Jesus because He was her oldest son. People would also go by their place names when they were far from home—like Joseph of Arimathea and Mary of Magdala or Saul of Tarsus. In fact, the first use of last names wasn’t until about a thousand years ago! What would your name be if you didn’t have a last name?
Does it seem strange to you? It probably does because we have really lost something that they had in Bible times and what they had was something called community. Today we can use the word community in a lot of different ways where it can just mean a town, or a group within a town—maybe a religious group or an ethnic group. My father’s family came from the Irish Catholic community in Pittsburgh, PA. And when I say community, I mean it because even though my family has been here since before the Revolutionary war, I am still 38% Irish and my father is 75% and my grandmother (and everyone before her) was 100% Irish with nothing else. The Irish community always married other people who were Irish from the same area, and people from the Catholic community would marry other Catholics. Community means that a group of people are connected. They live together, worship God together, belong to neighborhood groups, and all that sort of thing. A community has shared interests and backgrounds. They are the kinds of people who are important to one another and keep traditions alive. A community of people is stronger than just a bunch of people by themselves. They can support each other and teach one another. In a community, every single person is important, part of the larger community. Each person knows how to do things that help out the community. God gives gifts to everyone so that communities can be strong, good places to live.
Of course, it is hard to find places like that now. People can get what they need from far away, other countries even. All they have to do is order stuff on the internet. And they don’t have to go outside with other people to do things because of television, internet, video games, books, smart phones, and all that stuff. Because of this, people are always busy but they are also very lonely because they feel like they are alone and not part of anything. We were made in the image of God and so, just like Him, we are social creatures. A social creature is a created being (all animals, birds, fish and insects are created beings too) that needs to be around others in order to be healthy, happy, productive, useful and mature. Even people who are very shy, like me, and who like to be alone, like me, need other people. I just don’t want to be around other people all the time because it makes me really stressed out but I do like to go shopping and chat with people, and I love to help people, and I enjoy being needed and useful to the people around me. Even though I talk to God and feel His presence all around me, without other humans it would be very difficult for me to be happy.
In fact, God created humans to be with Him, to be His image-bearers so that they could show the rest of the world what He is like. Unfortunately, we are not very good at that and the first two people really blew it big time. Genesis 3 tells us that God walked in the Garden, and He must have spent His time with Adam and Eve because when they didn’t show up He asked where they were at. God also spent time with Abraham under the oaks of Mamre, where he and Sarah prepared a meal for God and the two angels with Him to eat and they talked together. God even shared good news and bad news with Abraham, like a man would do with His friend. With Moses, God actually did treat him like a friend, saying things to him that He would only say in riddles to anyone else (Ex 33:11). And in the Gospel of John, we see Jesus referring to His disciples as His friends (John 15) and Lazarus as well (John 11). The Bible talks about friendship a lot—we were meant to have friends and loved ones because that’s the way God created us to be. If He wants company, just think of how much we must need it ourselves!
And, of course, it isn’t just about you needing people—not by a long shot. People need you too. I need you. And it may seem weird because we have probably never met, but the Bible says that God put all of those people who believe and follow Jesus into one big community. In some places, we are called the Body of Christ, and in others we are called a Temple made of Living Stones. Close your eyes for a minute and imagine that Body or that Temple, and think about all the different people all over the world, who look different and speak differently and have all sorts of different kinds of lives, but who love Jesus. Maybe it would look like one of those pictures that is actually made up of a billion tiny little photographs. Because of Jesus, we are all equally part of the same community. And so, we all need each other. We can’t serve the Kingdom of Heaven alone. I am needed, and you are needed, but not just for the work and jobs that we can do to help others.
We are also needed for the love that we can give and share. Actually, that is where we are all MOST needed. Compared to love, everything else is just kinda okay. We need the love of friends and family and even strangers but the love that we get from different people will be very different. A stranger might see you struggling with carrying something heavy and help you out, because the love in their heart hates to see people get hurt when two can make the job easy! A stranger might see that there is a house with a lot of yardwork that needs done and they might know that someone lives there who can barely walk anymore, and the love in them will help out around the yard. A stranger might help change a flat tire or prepare food at the homeless shelter. A stranger can even become a family member when they take in a foster child and decide to adopt. All of that is called being a good neighbor because a community is also a place where neighbors live together. Unlike my grandparents’ community where so many were Irish and Catholic, most communities have all types of people who believe all types of different things and can even live in different ways. But Jesus not only told us to love our neighbors but also that everyone is our neighbor. Let me tell you a story from Jesus:
Once upon a time, there was a man traveling from the great city of Jerusalem to Jericho, the beautiful city of Palms and every tree that was good for fruit. But on his way down, robbers ambushed him when there was no one else around to help him. They stole his clothes, beat him up so badly that he was dying, and then ran off with all of his things. And there was hope because a priest was also walking down that road, but when he saw the man all naked and bleeding, he crossed over to the other side of the road and left him there! And again there was hope because a Levite, one of the people who did jobs like tending sheep, raising crops for the Temple, and even singing during the services, was also walking down the road but when he saw that poor man, he crossed to the other side as well and did nothing to help him. What the heck guys, those are like the serious church people! But thank God that there was another man on the road that day, a Samaritan and he went right up to the dying man and felt just awful about what had happened to him. He tore strips of fabric, maybe even from his own clothes, to make bandages and he poured wine on the wounds to clean them and oil to keep dirt out. Then he carefully lifted the man’s heavy body and placed that man on his donkey. Then they made the careful and slow journey to the city and paid for a room at the inn. He stayed there all that day and through to the next morning taking care of him. Then he paid the innkeeper two whole days wages to take care of him and promised him more money when he returned from his trip.
You see, Jesus was talking to a very educated man who knew that the most important commandments were to love God and love our neighbors. But he wasn’t quite so clear on who his neighbor was—a lot of folks thought that their “neighbors” meant their family and close friends but certainly didn’t mean their enemies! But when Jesus told that story, where the religious people wouldn’t even stop to help that man, it would have been very surprising because the Jewish people and the Samaritans were bitter enemies. Yet, it was the Samaritan, who they hated, who had done what was right. Everyone is our neighbor but not everyone is a good neighbor. Because God placed us in a community together, it means that one of the most important ways to obey God and serve His Kingdom is to learn how to be a good neighbor. The Samaritan was a stranger to the man who was robbed, but he was a good neighbor. You can be a good neighbor too—if you saw something like that, it would be important for you to call 911 or get help. But there are always a lot of ways to help strangers. You can return your shopping cart at the store, help people pick up things they dropped, open doors for people who have trouble walking or who are pushing baby strollers. You can pick up your trash so that it doesn’t blow into someone else’s yard and you can clean up your leaves so that your neighbor doesn’t get stuck with them. There are so many things you can do—ask the grownups in your life how you can help them and others.
But a community is more than a group of strangers. Your community is also where your friends are. Are you a good friend or are you a bad friend? I hope you are all very good friends. Friends are people who love each other very much and love to spend time together. Sometimes they will have a lot in common and sometimes they will be very different people but they stick together because they enjoy each other’s company. Good friends can depend on each other to be there when one of them is sad, or hurt, or needs help. Good friends are also there to celebrate when something great happens. Good friends are never jealous because they really want good things to happen to their friends. Good friends are always encouraging one another to do good and to try to meet their goals. Good friends are good sports, they don’t have to win all the time and they just enjoy playing games with their friend no matter who wins. Good friends share with each other. Good friends have each other’s backs and they won’t leave their friend to face a bully alone. Good friends are kind, honest, and generous.
But not all people are like that, right? Not everyone is a good friend and even if you are a good friend to people, it doesn’t mean that they will be good friends to you. It is important to love people no matter what they are like, but a healthy community also needs boundaries. Boundaries are like fences between people and everyone has them. No matter how much you love a friend, if he kills your pets one by one you aren’t going to allow him to come anywhere near your house ever again. Or if she steals from you, you won’t invite her inside or trust her to take care of anything that is valuable to you. If your friend is always telling stories about you to everyone, sharing your secrets and embarrassing stories, you won’t want him to know anything about you. If your friend is only interested in playing with you when there isn’t someone more popular to be with, you will have to decide whether or not you want to deal with that. When we make decisions about what we are and are not willing to put up with, that is called drawing boundaries. Boundaries are a good thing. They tell people how we want to be treated and what we hate and they can either respect our boundaries or just be friends with someone else. And our friends have boundaries too, and if we love them then we follow them.
Even God has boundaries, did you know that? When we come to Exodus and Leviticus, we will talk about clean and unclean, which has nothing to do with dirt but is about how close you can get to the Holy of Holies in the Temple. One day a year, one guy could get super close and some people couldn’t even get inside the city walls. But like with God, boundaries aren’t about loving or hating someone. God had to set those boundaries because if people got too close then they could get hurt. God loved the people outside the city who were lepers. God loved the people who had been near a dead body and weren’t done with their week of mourning. They could pray and be as close to God as they wanted to be, but they just couldn’t get near the Temple for a while. And you might have to stay away from someone you really love because they are hurting you. Maybe they hit you, or say terrible things to you or about you, or maybe you can’t trust them—and you don’t have to hate them. It’s okay if you love them. It’s okay if you can’t be with them even if you want to, because you know you aren’t safe or happy when you are together—maybe even just sometimes. You have the right to not be with people who hurt you. God didn’t give us a community life so that we could hurt each other but so that we could take care of each other. If someone isn’t taking care of you, it’s okay to let someone you trust know about it.
Our community also has family in it. When you grow up, that might mean a husband or wife, and right now it might be sisters, brothers, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. And how we care for all of these people—strangers, friends, and family, will be different depending on who they are. You aren’t going to hug and kiss a stranger! And you will treat your wife or husband entirely differently than you treat your parents and your brothers and sisters. And some strangers, friends and family are also members of the Body of Jesus, His Church, His Temple of Living Stones, His community—but some won’t be. We are still told to be just as good neighbors to them as to those who love Jesus and keep His commandments.
All of these people, as you live with them, play with them, visit them, or meet and help them, will change you and you will change them too. Every good thing you do for others makes God very happy, and it makes their life better—and not only that, but it changes you and fills your heart with more and more love. I want you to think about how you feel when someone does something good for you. What if you are super hungry and someone makes you a sandwich? How does that make you feel about yourself? Like you aren’t invisible, maybe? Like people notice and care about what you need and love you enough to do something about it? What if school is really hard and you are flunking math because you just don’t understand this one stupid thing, and someone notices and quietly teaches you a trick and then you totally get it? You’d think, “wow, that person thought I was important enough to take the time to help.” Is there someone who always notices you and how you are feeling? Or another person who likes to make you smile? Or someone who stands by you when there is trouble? There are a million ways to love our neighbors, whether they are strangers, friends, or family. As we pay attention, it is very easy to figure out things to do that will show other people how much we love them. But it is also important to notice when people are loving us and to say thank you.
Because our friends change us, and we change them, it is very important to make sure that we are changing into better people—more like Jesus. Sometimes instead of good friends we have bad buddies who get us into trouble or at least teach us how to get into trouble ourselves. Having buddies like that is very dangerous. It is good to love them and pray for them and to be kind to them, but we can’t allow them to change who we are. Sometimes, things that seem just mean and terrible start to look okay when we are in the company of someone who is not truly our friend. Have you ever noticed that there are people who are the friends of bullies and how mean they can get as they spend more and more time with them? When we get used to bad behavior, it stops seeming like such a big deal. We knew it was a terrible, big deal before we were friends with that person, but once we get close, we start making excuses and we become as bad as they are and worse, because we knew it was wrong in the first place.
Sometimes when we are lonely, it is tempting to get involved with people who are mean just so that we won’t feel left out. But I want you to know that you have a friend in Jesus. I want you to know that He loves you and although people can mess you up, He never will. The word we translate as faith in the Bible actually means trust. I can tell you that you can absolutely trust Jesus. You may or may not believe me now and that’s okay, there is nothing wrong with you. You can’t just decide to trust someone, not even God! You can’t just say, “Okay brain, that’s it, we’re going to totally trust God forever and ever.” We have to learn to trust God, and that takes a long time. He proves Himself to us, and He helps us to get rid of all the wrong thoughts we have about Him based on things that other people have done to hurt us and even lies some people tell us about God. God is a wonderful friend to me and I know He will be just as good a friend to you because He loves you more than you can imagine.
Because God is my friend, He has never been mean to me when I mess up. Because God is my friend, when I ignored Him for a few years (I was pretty angry at Him) He never gave up on me and He never stopped taking care of me. He has never called me names—not even when I maybe deserved it. He never stops trying to make me more like Jesus even when I was absolutely nothing like Jesus! He has let me think and do all sorts of wrong things without sending a bolt of lightning to blast my butt because He knows I am only human and has been very patient and understanding with me. And unlike people, God never tells me anything bad about myself until He is going to help me change it and then I just have to cooperate! God is not like anyone I have ever met in my life. I don’t have to worry about Him making any mistakes, or believing lies about me, or leading me in the wrong direction, or expecting me to be perfect or a mind-reader. It is safe to be confused around God. It is safe to be honest with Him and tell Him absolutely everything. It is okay to complain to God because in the Bible lots of folks do it. It’s even safe to argue with God because people in the Bible do that too! I complain to and argue with God a lot.
God is the best example of a good friend. Wow, imagine if we were as good a friend to others as God is to us? What if our friends could absolutely trust us like that? What if we could trust them like that too? That would be a perfect community. Just like we see at the end of the Bible in the last chapters of Revelation.
I love you. I am praying for you. And I hope you have some happy dreams about all of us being together, loving each other, and being completely safe and happy.