This is an episode designed to address a serious issue for both adults and kids—what does it mean to honor mother and father, and how does one obey their parents “in the Lord” as per Eph 6:1? There isn’t anyone in Christian or Jewish leadership who hasn’t been asked these questions—generally by adults suffering under the weight of abusive and irresponsible parents. So, I thought it would be a good idea to talk to kids about what it does and doesn’t mean–we certainly don’t want kids to be obeying every adult they come across, right? Warning: this could be triggering for your kids if you are a bank-robbing mom wanting them to drive the getaway car, as that was the over-the-top example I used. Any resemblance to any real person is completely accidental, obviously.
If you want to watch me recording a slightly longer version of this live on YouTube, check this out! If you can’t see the podcast player, click here.
Hi! I’m Miss Tyler, and welcome to this week’s episode of Context for Kids, where I teach you stuff most adults don’t even know. If this is your first time hearing or if you have missed anything, you can find all the episodes archived at contextforkids.podbean.com, which has them downloadable, or at contextforkids.com, where I have transcripts for readers or on my Context for Kids YouTube channel, where I now post slightly longer video versions. (Parents, all Scripture this week comes from the MTV, the Miss Tyler Version, which is the Christian Standard Bible tweaked a bit to make it easier for kids to understand the content and the context without reading an entire chapter every week!)
The Bible is a big book about love and obedience—about when it is a good idea to obey, a bad idea to obey, who is good to obey and who is bad to obey. We also find that there are times when to obey a certain thing is good and times when it is bad. Learning to obey isn’t like one plus one equals two. Learning who and how and when to obey is all about wisdom. And wisdom is something that God will always give us more of when we ask Him and when we are responsible about how we use it. The Bible has some obedience situations that don’t really exist for most of us anymore—like slavery. When a person is fighting a war, other kinds of obedience are important. In school, your teacher does have a right to ask you to do certain things and expect you to get them done—like homework, treating your classmates with kindness, and being honest instead of cheating. Growing up is about thinking about what we are being asked to do and why we are being asked to do it, asking questions when we need to, paying close attention to who has asked us, and then deciding if what they are asking is pleasing to God or not. Sometimes, what we are asked to do doesn’t seem to matter to God in the slightest—like if someone asks us to get them a cup of water, and we should probably always say yes to something like that, right? It doesn’t hurt them, and it doesn’t hurt us, and it is a kind thing to do. But those are the sort of good deeds that honor God in little ways and cause Him to be able to trust us to do bigger things later. Let’s talk about obedience in the Bible and our lives today—what does and doesn’t count as pleasing to God and/or good for us.
One of the really sad things we see in the ancient world of Abram and Sarai is slavery. And slavery was absolutely normal to them. Before electricity and water pipes and pumps and ovens and dishwashers and clothes washers and dryers and panini makers, life was a lot of work day after day. It was very hard to get things done, and especially if you had a lot of kids or a lot of land and animals to care for. Sometimes, people came to be slaves for one reason or another, and another person would buy them. Once they were bought, they weren’t free people anymore, and they had to do everything the person who bought them told them to do. And if they had children, they were owned as well—they weren’t born free. Some others were captured as part of a war and sold or kept by the person who captured them. The slave owners, who were called their masters, had to take care of their slaves so that they could do their jobs and make their masters more wealthy. Sometimes, the slaves were forced to do terrible things, and they had no choice because they could be beaten or killed, and their families could be hurt too. A slave who ran away would just end up captured by someone else—and that might even be worse! Sometimes slaves could be set free for good service or could buy their freedom. Slaves were often branded by their owners because otherwise, slaves looked just like everyone else. But slaves could also be educated and have specialty jobs, which made it possible for them to earn their own money, especially by the time Jesus was born. Slaves, when Jesus was born, could even be high-ranking government officials and much better educated than free people.
Next week, we will look at the story of a slave named Hagar—we don’t know how she was enslaved or why; we only know some of what her life was like because she was a slave. How people were allowed to treat her, and what they could do without her permission. Enslaved people are a special group when we talk about obedience—because only God should have that kind of power over a human being’s life. It was absolutely normal all through the days of the Bible, but it doesn’t mean that God wasn’t teaching them how to eventually get rid of it. Paul even told his congregations that there is no such thing as a free person or a slave in the eyes of God. And we should definitely look at everyone the same way that God does. We are commanded to love others as ourselves, and if we wouldn’t want to be slaves, then we can know that slavery is a great evil. We can be very thankful that God made rules about how slaves could be treated, which led to eventually seeing that it wasn’t the way the Kingdom is supposed to be.
What about obedience to God? Well, we always have to obey God—totally. And if God tells us personally to do something, then we need to do it. I can think of many times in my life that God asked me to do something that I was scared to do, and He just kept on poking me and bugging me until I did it. But He has never asked me to do anything wrong, sinful, or cruel. He was telling me to do things that I didn’t want to do, that’s all. What He told me to do was a blessing, a good thing, for someone who needed help. And when they found out that I did it because God wanted it done for them, it meant a lot to them to know that God wasn’t ignoring them and they weren’t alone. If I had disobeyed, their lives would have been worse and not better. Sometimes I am embarrassed to do something God asks me to do, and other times I am just straight-up scared. Sometimes I think, “Is this my imagination, or is God really asking me to do this?” BUT, if it is a kind thing to do, then it is better to take the chance that it really is God, right? God isn’t ever going to waste His time telling you to do the things you already plan on doing—why would He? But sometimes, we fool ourselves into thinking He has given us permission to do what we want and pretend like we are obeying Him!
What about doing what the Bible says? Well, we have to be careful with that too. Sometimes, God says a certain thing to a certain person, and they were supposed to do that—but if we read it like it was written to us, then that isn’t the same thing as obeying God. Like, when Paul told Timothy to go to Troas and pick up his cloak and scrolls. When we hear a verse, it’s always important for us to know who it was said to and why. There are all sorts of people out there as you grow up who will use Bible verses to get you to do what they want you to do—either by not giving you the whole story and making the verse mean something it was never supposed to mean, or by telling us that something they were doing back in the Old Testament is something that Jesus would want us doing now. Like when Jesus said, and then Paul said, that men should only have one wife and especially if they want to be elders in the church. And at that time, some men were looking at what the Bible says about divorce, and they were twisting it all up so that a man could abandon his family for any reason he wanted to—even if his wife burned one dinner or got old and he found someone prettier. They said it was okay according to the Bible, but if they had just looked at the commandment to love their neighbor and realized that their wives were their best and closest neighbors, they would never do that. We always have to ask ourselves if what we are being asked to do is kind, loving, and healthy. I want you guys to know your Bibles not so that you can win trivia contests but so that you will come to understand what God will and will not ask you to do. People will sometimes try to trick you, and they will make you feel really smart and important when you do what they want. But really, they are just looking for people they can control and get them to do whatever they want.
Whenever someone says the Bible says something is okay or good but it seems a bit strange, I want you to ask them where it says that. And then I want you to take that verse to someone you can trust, look at it together, and everything around it to make sure that what they are saying is correct. And then I want you to pray about it. But I want you to make sure that you never believe that it is a good thing to have secrets that you keep from the people who love you. If someone says that they are serving God, or a pastor or teacher or whatever, and tells you that what they are telling you is special and only for you, then they might be trying to trick you. Find another grownup who loves you. You don’t have to do what someone says just because they are older–there are times when you just need to get away from them! There is a huge difference between an adult telling you not to play in their yard (which they have a right to do) or in the street (because that is dangerous) or asking you to turn down your music because their baby is sleeping (because that is the kind and polite thing to do), and an adult telling you to do something that is wrong or risky–like if they tell you that they want you to come with them to help them. Strangers who are adults never ask kids for help.
The Bible tells us to honor our moms and dads, and that is a good commandment. The Bible also tells children to obey their parents in the Lord. That’s also a good commandment, but what does it mean? What does it mean to honor your mom and dad? When the Bible was written, giving someone honor was about not making them look bad with shameful behavior. If you go out and get drunk, steal a car, crash it, and then dance naked in the street—not only would that be incredibly foolish, stupid, and embarrassing, but it would bring terrible shame to your whole family. Doing your best in school—the best that YOU can do—doesn’t always mean that you will get straight A’s, but it does mean they can be proud of how seriously you are taking your classes. When we are kind to others and look for opportunities to help people, we make our parents look good. Now sometimes people will kinda twist this very good commandment to honor our parents into something really bad. What happens if your parent is a bank robber? Or tells you to be a bully and smack down all the weak kids in the neighborhood to show them who’s the boss? Well, that’s where the second commandment I mentioned comes into play.
In Ephesians 6:1, Paul says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” And then, he goes on to remind them that the reward for honoring their moms and dads is that their lives will go a lot better. And it is easy to see how a person behaving in such a way as to not make their parents look bad will have a better life than someone who goes around acting like a punk. But we can’t honor our moms and dads by doing what is wrong just because they tell us to. What if you have a mom who robs banks and tells you to drive the getaway car. You would be obeying your mom but not God, who tells us not to steal. That’s why Paul said to obey your parents “in the Lord,” which means that what your parents are telling you to do mustn’t break any of God’s big commandments. And if you aren’t supposed to help your parents break God’s commandments, then that goes double for any other adults!
If a grownup wants to touch you in a way that only your husband or wife is allowed to do once you get married, you don’t obey them no matter what. They aren’t asking you to do that “in the Lord” at all, and they need to go to jail. And if they tell you that it is all your fault, they are liars too. If a grownup does something really bad and you know about it, and they tell you that you have to keep it a secret, then you need to find another grownup you trust and talk to them about it. You don’t have to keep that secret just because a grownup told you to. You need help because doing what is right can be confusing.
It is important to remember that all humans are made to be God’s image-bearers. We were all created to show the world what God is like. All colors, all shapes and sizes, men and women, and even little babies. No one is made more in God’s image than anyone else. No one can tell you that they get special messages from God for you that you have to obey, or else. Only Jesus could do that! God wants to know you and to have you know Him–and He doesn’t need anyone else there. You have grownups who love you and will help you to know and hear Him, like I try to do. But none of us are greater than God, and none of us love you as much as He does. Sometimes, we grownups can be kinda sketchy because we are thinking about ourselves when we should be thinking more about what you need, but God doesn’t do that. God has one goal—and that goal is to make you more like Himself. He wants you to have a lot of joy, and to be able to love people and feel their love in return. He doesn’t want you to be feisty, picking fights, getting angry, and losing your temper all the time. He wants you to learn to be as patient with other people as He is with you—after all, He hasn’t killed you for anything you have done, right? He wants the people around you to be able to feel His kindness, generosity, and gentleness. And He wants people to trust Him because they can trust you. God knows that the more you are like Him, the better the world and your life will be. A person like that brings honor to their parents! Even to bank robber parents in jail!
What happens when we obey someone whom we shouldn’t obey? Let’s look at the stories of David and Jonathan and see what happened to them when they were obedient and disobedient. Sometimes, obedience is bad and disobedience is good, and we see that all over the Bible! If only there was always an easy answer!!!
David was the youngest of like seven or eight boys, and one day the prophet Samuel poured out oil on his head and made him the King of all of Israel. But there was a problem—Israel already had a king named Saul, and Saul had a son named Jonathan, whom everyone supposed would be the next King once Saul died. Now, David could have gone and been really foolish and walked up to Saul’s home and said, “Hey dude, move out! I am the King now!” He would have likely either died or almost died. But David trusted God and went back to the fields to care for the sheep and the goats. Through an amazing series of events, David ends up working as a musician, playing a harp in the court of King Saul. And then, later, David kills the Philistine giant Goliath. David ends up marrying King Saul’s daughter Michal and becomes the King’s son, and he becomes best friends with Jonathan. So, they are brothers now and best friends. But Saul was incredibly dangerous and jealous of David because he could see that the people wanted David to be the King after Saul or even instead of Saul. So Saul sent him on missions over and over again, which should have killed David, but because David was God’s choice, he survived every time.
But then, one day, Saul had had enough, and he started trying to kill David himself. He tossed a spear at David, tried to get his soldiers to arrest and kill him, and David was forced to begin disobeying the King’s commands in order to stay alive. No one was supposed to disobey the King–especially not his own sons and sons-in-law! David ran from the house of Saul and spent many years hiding in caves and fighting the enemies of Israel. David even had two chances to kill Saul but didn’t. David could obey God, but he could no longer obey Saul in the Lord. Saul’s commandments were wicked, and he wasn’t hearing from the Lord anymore, so his commands were bad ones. Although David disobeyed Saul and lived, Saul’s son Jonathan, even though he was a good man who loved David, continued to obey his father, and it got him killed. Jonathan and everyone else in the Kingdom could see that Saul had become too wicked to be King, but they kept serving and obeying him. Jonathan even knew that his father was making dangerous and disastrous decisions. That was a tough situation for Jonathan, but a good rule of thumb is that if one of your parents chucks a spear at your best friend’s head at dinner then it’s definitely time to call 911!!! And I am sure you will never have to face that situation! It’s really nice not to be a member of any of the Bible families, right? I mean, who needs that kind of drama anyway? Saul needed an intervention.
What about times when kids should have obeyed their parents in the Lord but didn’t? High Priest Eli had two sons named Hophni and Phineas. Although Eli was careful to do a good job caring for the Lord’s Tabernacle in Shiloh, his sons were both evil. They were doing some really messed up stuff that I won’t even tell you about. They were also messing around with the sacrifices and not obeying God’s commands. And those goober-heads decided it would be a great idea to take the Ark of the Covenant out of the Holy of Holies to scare the Philistines with it—without asking God first. In fact, God had stopped talking to anyone except the little boy Samuel because Hophni and Phineas were so wicked, and their father wasn’t doing anything to really stop them. He told them what to do and what not to do, and they just ignored him. And so, God told Samuel that the family would die so that Israel would have an obedient and good priesthood again. Phineas and Hophni died when the Philistines stole the ark and put it into Dagon’s temple! And then their father died of shock! The kids didn’t obey their father, but their father wasn’t obeying God because he kept allowing his wicked sons to continue to be priests.
Let’s talk about an obedience story from when Jesus was a boy. Now, we probably think that Jesus always did exactly what his parents wanted him to do without even being told, right? Nope. Oh my gosh, there was this one time when his whole family—his mom and dad and brothers and sisters—all went to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover at the Temple. The city was packed with visitors who had come to worship God and celebrate being freed from slavery in Egypt. It was a very joyous and fun celebration that lasted a whole week. But on their way back to their home in Nazareth, Joseph and Mary suddenly realized that their twelve-year-old son Jesus was nowhere to be found. They searched and searched among their relatives, and no one had even seen him, so they had to go back. After three days, they found him in the Temple, and he was sitting with the Torah teachers—he was listening to them and asking them questions that amazed them. They were also amazed at the answers he gave them to their questions! Where had he been sleeping? What had he been eating? Do you think his parents were worried or angry? I can tell you that they were definitely both! They asked him, “Why did you do this to us? We’ve been so worried about you and looking for you everywhere in the city!”
What do you think Jesus said to them? Did he say sorry and ask them to forgive him? Well, you would think he’d do that because if you or I did something like that, we’d be in super huge trouble, right? But he didn’t! Instead, he gave them a confused look and said, “Where else did you expect me to be? Didn’t you know that I need to be in my Father’s House?” The House, the Beit HaMikdash, was what the Temple in Jerusalem was called—God’s House. And the Bible says, in Luke 2, that his parents were totally confused by that and didn’t know what to think. But his parents weren’t wrong to be upset that he hadn’t stayed with the family. If it was my kids, they would be SO grounded for a month. But the Bible says that he did go home with them and obeyed them after that. You see, Jesus needed to learn things too—like how not to give his parents a heart attack. He hadn’t been purposefully mean or spiteful, but he hadn’t stayed with the family like he was expected to. He wasn’t sinning against them, but he wasn’t thinking about how what he did would affect them either! He was probably thinking about how awesome it was to be surrounded by people who knew so much about the Hebrew Bible because he came from a small town, and there probably wasn’t much of anyone to talk to. I am betting that he had a lot of dinner invitations from those Torah teachers, so he didn’t go hungry.
You will make a lot of mistakes when you are twelve too, and remember that when it happens, Jesus will totally understand. He was so excited to be at the Temple, that he just stopped thinking about anything else. He wasn’t hurting his parents on purpose. He knew that obedience is important, and I suppose that after that, his parents always told him to stick close to them whenever they went to Jerusalem for the Passover, and he obeyed them.
I love you. I am praying for you. And growing up means learning to understand who to obey and who not to obey. And it can be confusing, but as long as you have people who love you, they can help you know what is wise and what would be a big mistake.